Who Am I?

By Stephen Reynolds

Good morning! Looks like it’s going to be another beautiful day.  

Oh, sorry. I’ll bet you’re wondering who I am. I live on school property in a small West Texas town called Jayton, Texas.  My name is…  

Well, I’ve decided to see if you can figure out who I am. Most of my days throughout the year can be boring. I guess it’s how each person perceives their day as to how you would describe it. Some say boring or I could say relaxing. December through February are actually extremely lonely.  I don’t get to see anybody except the occasional stray dog or cat that happens to walk by. Most of the time they don’t have time to stop and visit. They’re just passing through since they know they’re not supposed to be here. And there is no audience to yell at them to leave.  Where’s the fun in that?

It can get very cold that time of year without a coat. Hey, it’s wintertime. How would you feel with 6-8 inches of snow on top of you and there was nothing you could do about it? You just have to sit there and take it.  Then wait for the snow to melt. March through May is much better. I get to see a lot of kids running back and forth. Some sit on top of me to change shoes. Others even lay down on top of me for a short nap. Don’t get me wrong, I do love the attention.  But it’s a lot better before the race instead of after with all that sweat and stink.  

Also, in the spring the weather is much nicer. I even get a shower every now and then. I do love that nice clean feeling, and it’s nice to get the ‘ol toupee shined up. That’s right.  A toupee. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. It’s much easier to keep. No more haircuts. No more color jobs. Wash and go. That’s the life.  

Oh, did I mention I have some cousins in other towns that have not gone the toupee route?  Still all natural. And they have to wait for a haircut since they can’t do it themselves. And they only get a good color job in the fall. Shoot, my granddad didn’t even get a color job. All he got was a buzz cut right down to the roots.

  “HEY!”  

Excuse me just a minute.

  “HEY!  GET OUT OF HERE.”  

It’s the town stray.  We call him Mutt.  

  “HEY MUTT!  I SAID GET OUT OF HERE. WHAT?  NO!  NO!  NO!  YOU CAN’T DO THAT HERE. I DON’T CARE IF YOUR BUDDIES
   TOLD YOU THIS WAS A NEW PORTA-POTY. HOW RUDE!  GET OUT OF HERE!”  

Sorry about that. They think they can just come over here and do their business anywhere they want. Sometimes right on top of me. I just can’t have that. Now where were we… ah summertime. Back to some lonely days with a few drifting strangers that come by. I like summertime but it does get hot this close to the ground. Actually, the toupee makes it even hotter. I suffer through it because I know what’s right around the corner. The fall and the lights on Friday night. The time of year I live for. But first, there is this thing called the Gridiron Classic the last weekend in August. Sure, it’s blistering hot. But you can’t believe how many people I get see in those three days. And all the players and coaches running by. Even with the heat, it’s really something special.  

Actually, it’s an exhausting three days with no rest at. But football is what I live for. You should come by during the Gridiron sometime and say hi. I really like meeting new folks.  Now on to September through November.

There is something special about the brisk fall air under the lights. I get to see a lot of old friends on Friday nights. Sure, I see people other times of the year, but this is the time of year I get to participate on a weekly basis in the sport I love Six-Man Football. My Friday nights start with watching the home team warm up. Some players jump me, some straddle me, some even step on me.  But all are near. I can hear the coaches giving last minute instructions. Some of the seniors helping the under-classmen with toe touches. Seriously fellows, how tough can a toe touch be?  Come on guys, get serious and get it right.  

I even get to see the cheerleaders and the band. You would not believe the stories I get to hear during pregame. Players talking about which cheerleader is the cutest?  Cheerleaders talking about which player is the coolest? Coaches and administrators telling some wild stories. Sorry guys, I’m not allowed to tell. Yes, that’s right. I had to sign a non-disclosure agreement with the school. I guess you will just have to let your mind run wild about the stories I’ve heard.  

Now back to the game. The excitement builds during the coin flip. Next the shaking of hands at midfield. The fans cheering for their team. And finally, the kickoff. The moment when I finally get to participate in the game.  I wait patiently.  Sometimes the players are near and other times far away. But I’m a happy dude. I get to be part of a Six-man football game. Most games a few of the players eventually get really close. I can even hear them breathe as they pause for a minute. Sometimes they go by so fast I can barely see them. Oh, what speed some of the youngsters have. On a rare occasion, I just have to watch the game from a distance. It’s almost like I have some sort of sickness or disease like Coronavirus. No one comes near me. I’m glad that doesn’t happen very often. Other times they get within inches of me. Close enough to drip sweat and sometimes even blood on me. That’s ok with me. It’s Friday night under the lights.  No where else I’d rather be.  

Even though the fans are yelling and screaming, no one truly understands the excitement I get to feel. That rush of adrenaline as the players get close. Then the burst of excitement when a player runs over me, dives over me, jumps over me, and even lands right on top of me. It’s indescribable. Oh, did I mention that I have a brother on the other end of the football field. Yes, that’s right. I’m the south goal line at Jaybird Stadium in Jayton, Texas. Nice to meet you.